Monday, July 13, 2009

Boyz II Men

This is something that has been on my mind lately, and I really have to get it off my chest. When will "Boys" become "Men"? I'm constantly in awe of how stupid guys can be when they only have sex on their mind. I understand, that's normal, but there's a difference of how you approach it.

Let me spell this out for you dumb boys who don't seem to understand.

-Girls want to be woo-ed. I'm sure this is difficult to get. Girls want to go on dates and snuggle, and for you to whisper really corny romantic things. They want the flowers and for you to randomly check up on us [not every five minutes!] and ask how they're doing.

I can ALWAYS tell the assholes from the nice guys by one crucial thing. They talk about themselves and sex. If a guy doesn't ask you one single question outside of the things he can read on your myspace page, then he's NOT interested in you. He's interested in your body. And that's it.

The phrase 'nice guys finish last' is true and I know it sucks. Nice girls finish last too. I feel you there. I've been attracted to the bad boy, but the fact that they're not interested in me at all is such a turn off. What happened to the nice guy? Is he out there?

I am a nice girl. I'm funny, and I'm very smart. I'm the type of girl mothers adore, even the one's that hate everyone. I care about everything and I love too much, and that's what gets me into trouble. I want to be this perfect girl-friend, it's finding the perfect boy-friend is the hard part.
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Thursday, July 9, 2009

Letter to My 10 Year Old Self

So I across this video on youtube today and thought it was pretty interesting. It makes you sort of think, and so I thought I'd do one myself (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTtwhfodp7Y).

Dear Amanda,

I know this is strange, the future is sort of a scary place, but don't worry, you'll live to be at least twenty, and so far that's good.

Enjoy your time at the dance studio while you can. You might think you're going to be a ballerina but Miss Melissa will crush that dream when she finds out you have flat feet. She's not trying to be mean, but she's a fellow flat footer. Also, don't be such a klutz, I know, easier said than done, but take your time walking down the stairs.

When you finally discover musical theater, don't be such a nervous nelly at auditions. The directors think you're adorable and talented, but they want someone who can remember the lyrics to the song. Don't worry about getting a role, you're experience in the chorus is crucial. You'll be a leading lady eventually, and you won't even be nervous.

Stop crushing on every boy you meet. You don't have a chance. There are some boys who give you the time of day and when they do actually pay attention to those moments. If a boy asks you out, don't automatically say yes, there's more to life than having someone to walk you to class everyday. In the 10th grade you might date someone who's "bisexual" and then later they turn out to be gay. Don't worry, you didn't make him that way, you just didn't notice he was gay the entire time.

Just because your high school crush drops into your life at your 17th birthday party, doesn't mean you should automatically drop everything for him. He'll invite you over one night and never call again. When you see him a month later at the movie theater and you spent that time debating on throwing your bucket of popcorn on his head, do it. Revenge is sweet. That also goes with the friend from church you randomly pops into your life. You'll think he's a man but you soon realise he's nothing more than a boy and he'll only disapoint you.

When you get a Livejournal account, don't forget to give that link to Chris from church. And if you get someone from Idaho who's stalking you on there, don't worry, it's just Chris trying to flirt with you. You'll end up dating for a while, but if you break up, stay that way, going back and forth doesn't get you anywhere. Be his best friend but nothing more.

You'll meet this weird kid on your bus who lives in your neighborhood named Brian. Don't pick on him, he'll be one of your closest friends later.

You're really into NSYNC right now and think that the Backstreet Boys are stupid, but in three years you'll switch. Don't waste your money. You can always pirate they're music later.

You're little brother Michael is only a year old, enjoy him. You're parents aren't having anymore kids.

Senior prom sucked. Don't spend $300. Use the dress you wore last year and save that money. You'll need it later.

Speaking of money, don't spend money on guys who won't spend it back. You'll never see a return on that investment.

In the 7th grade you'll have the strong urge to by Bryan Enrsdorff a box of chocolates. Don't.

No matter how much they yell, you're parents love you and they're pretty awesome.

Just becasue you saw something on tv doesn't mean you should do it.

Don't worry about life so much. Study hard in school, try to pass algebra the first time, and get your liscense asap. Relax.

-20 year old Amanda.
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Saturday, June 27, 2009

Pretty Handsome Awkward

Talked to D today over some texts. He's coming to visit me in a week. I'm nervous/excited to see him, because I literally haven't seen him in five years. The fact that he still talks to me baffles me. He wants things to happen with us but I'm scared to let them happen. He works under very dangerous conditions and lives his life on the dangerous side, nothing super bad, but enough where he could die, that freaks me out, especially when he loves to remind me. I'm afraid I won't live up to his expectations. This is like A all over again. D says he's not going to be like the other guys and run away. That's a big deal to say, but I've heard it before. It's nothing new. They say they'll be there forever, and then BAM! gone.
Saw B today, he gave me butterflies, we were at the movies with some friends. I wish we could have talked more, but he had to leave. =[
A had dropped off the face of the planet, which is fine, except he owes me money and I need any I can get, I hate it when things get tight.

It's just weird.
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Thursday, June 25, 2009

No One's Girl

I'm not going to sit on my butt waiting for some guy to sweep me off my feet. It's not going to happen, I guarantee it. At least for this time. I want someone to share my life with but show 'n tell isn't going on right now. I'm going to back control of my life and not let stupid boys dictate what I do and don't do. I'm not here to impress anyone. If A to date other girls, fine, guess I'm not that important to him. If D won't explain his random/cryptic text messages fine, I don't need his answers. If C doesn't want to be close, fine keep me at a distance. If B can't get over this other girl, I'd hate to see what I'd do to him. [I have no problems with E lol]

I'm not a side show, I'm the main performance.
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Sunday, June 21, 2009

Trust

My problem is I don't really trust anyone. Trust is a word that gets thrown around too much. People tell me things and I just don't believe them. I always try to think there's a hidden agenda. A tells me he likes me. C tells me I'm cute. D tells me he wants to make things work.

A was acting like a kid but has now been moved to toddler status. He got laid off from his work and now has been turning to other motives of getting money. I don't agree with them but I don't want him to be homeless. He's opened up to me a little, I guess that's progress, I guess.

C and I have been having long conversations about his past. He was crushed by a girl and has clammed up since then. I see myself with him the most, because his past is heavy and I feel like I can talk to him on more than just a superficial level. I found these lyrics though, they describe us perfectly.

Mercy - Duffy

I love you
But I gotta stay true
My morals got me on my knees
I’m begging please stop playing games

I don’t know what this is
‘Cause you got me good
Just like you knew you would
I don’t know what you do
But you do it well
I’m under your spell

You got me begging you for mercy (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Why won’t you release me (yeah, yeah, yeah)
You got me begging you for mercy (yeah, yeah, yeah)
why won’t you release me (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I said release me (yeah, yeah, yeah) (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Now you think that I (uh,uh)
Will be something on the side (uh,uh)
But you got to understand
That I need a man
Who can take my hand yes I do

I don’t know what this is
But you got me good
Just like you knew you would (uh,uh)

I don’t know what you do
But you do it well
I’m under your spell (uh,uh)

You got me begging you for mercy (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Why wont you release me (yeah, yeah, yeah)
You got me begging you for mercy (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Why wont you release me (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I said you’d better release yeah yeah yeah

I’m begging you for mercy
Yes why won’t you realse me
I’m begging you for mercy
You got me begging
You got me begging
You got me begging

Mercy, why wont you release me (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’m begging you for mercy (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Why won’t you release me (yeah, yeah, yeah)

You got me begging you for mercy (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’m begging you for mercy
I’m begging you for mercy
I’m begging you for mercy
I’m begging you for mercy
Why wont you release me yeah yeah
Break it down

Begging you for mercy
You got me begging
Begging you for mercy
You got me begging



I'm done for now..... Too tired.
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Friday, June 19, 2009

Waiting...

I sorta just need to get this out there....
A: I wait until he's ready to grow the fuck up. Wait for him to stop smoking pot and stop acting like a child. He seems like a man on the outside, but boy is he deceiving. I figured after not seeing him for two years he wouldn't be the same silly boy I used to know, but I almost feel like I was lied to. I just wanted him to be so much more than he turned out to be. He's not completely hopeless, but he's not using what brain cells he has left for anything productive. "You're mood swings are giving me whiplash". That's exactly him. One minute he wants to see me, the next he forgets to tell me he's in Reno for a week for training. "I forgot tell you, sorry". I already have trust issues and you're toying with them. I don't know if your stupid or just playing me and I don't want to find out.
B: I wait for you to get her out of your system. She was a big part of you and she ripped your heart out. I remember that feeling well, but I promise, it does go away. He's the nice guy. He doors, he buy flowers, he care of your body. Why would he be interested in a girl like me? He has plans with his life and he's going places, I want him to take me with him. I'm just afraid with all my baggage he won't take me with him on his journey. He's so easy to talk to and relate to and I really just want to get to know this awesome person I just met.
C: I wait for him to stop being bored with girls. I'm not going into a relationship knowing it will just end three months down the road. That's stupid. I'm not going to be just another number to him, he says it's not like that, but I know better. He's been through a lot and so have I, I'm forgiving about the past. I wish I could be that one special person you don't get bored with, but be bored together.
D: I wait for him to stop living the dream. I can't wait for him. He'll take off for a year and come back for three months for a quick, "hello" and be off again. I've known him for five years, yet I know nothing about him, except that he cares. I know that if he dies, I'll cry, because I went through that with him over a mean joke. I don't know why he's so special and I don't know why he thinks I'm so special.
E: I wait for him to notice me. I've been here the entire time yet I'm a different person and so is he. He's actually an adult and acts like it. He listens to my ramblings and doesn't just respond with "lol". He has skirted off yet, so we'll see. He might be just going off to college and do fancy dorm stuff or he might come visit and say hi. Who knows.

So here I am, waiting. Waiting for boys to grow up, move past other girls, get over things, live their dreams, & go to school. I know I don't have to decide now, but I know I will farther down the road. I thought this was going to be easier.
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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Kiss Me Thru The Phone

Tell me why, the nano-second Josh finally texts me back, I get these horrible butterflies. I want him to be a man, and actually be there but I know he's nothing but a boy, just wants to mess around and have fun. I want the unattainable....

I need a man in my life.... Ok, I don't need one, but I want one more than I want these little boys right now.


Off for a day of planning things with Matt. Hopefully finishing this darn script! =]
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