If I Were a Boy

Maybe I should just leave now before I get hurt. I want whatever this thing is between us to work but if it's doomed to fail than I want to head out now and save myself from more heartache. Considering my past with men, history is bound to repeat itself. Fred left for Christina. Chris left for Hayley. Bert left for B.J. The others were me getting over myself, which I understand isn't right but, it's what happened. I want to play everything chill and calm, but I'm a girl and I give in to all my thoughts and anxieties. What if you're lying? What if you say this to all the girls? What if I'm not the only one? What if this is nothing? Why won't you text/call me back? Why do I have to have everything so tied into all of this, this whatever? Why isn't this labeled? Are we just friends? Are we more than friends? Am I just another notch in your belt? Who knows? I'm just going to try enjoy this time now, whatever this is. I'm terrified to get attached. In a year you're going to be over seas in war. The thought of losing you is scary. You could be gone in a matter of minutes and you're so calm and collected. How do you do it? Sometimes I feel like your from another planet.

Boys Boys Boys

This happens to me all the time. I give something my all and my patience runs out. I don't get the results I want right away so I obsess over it. "Hey, how ya doing?" is all I really need. Instead, I get "haha" or "lol". How frustrating. I just wish I knew where to draw the line between being the overbearing and getting what I want. I want them to come to me, not the other way around. I need to know when to quit. He says he likes me, but given my history with men, I do have a hard time trusting. I realize everyone is different and there are some very trustworthy people and some aren't. We said a lot of things, I'm just wondering when this fairy tale attitude will wear off. I'm just starting to make progress, or so I'd like to think, with my other attempt at a love life. Then this bomb is litterally thrown on me and I'm stuck with a, "what the heck?'. I can't keep him off my mind.

Is Anybody Listening

Being a friend to the opposite sex baffles me. A lot of people say that it is nearly impossible to be friends with the opposite sex without someone getting hurt on some level. One person starts to develop feelings and the other person remains friends. Or they might decide to try a different kind of relationship and more times than not, things fall apart. I'm on the fence with this. I have friends that are male who I've absolutley never considered for a romantic relationship, but that is a small percentage. If you give me a line-up of ten guys, nine out of ten of them, I will probably have liked them at one point in my life, even for a nanosecond, I've considered them. I don't know if this is normal or not, but that's how things have always been for me. I meet a boy and I consider him as an option. Then reality hits me upside the head and I come to my senses. I realize that he's too cocky. He doesn't like girls like me. He already has a girl-friend. His brother is cuter. He's a hypocrite. He doesn't have any morals. There's always something wrong with these guys. Always. Even the ones I manage to date, there's something wrong. One cared more about social power. One had anger issues. One couldn't overcome addiction. One was socially inept. One didn't understand. One couldn't tough things out. I just wish I could figure this all out sooner. Boys. Men. Whatever. They need things to spelt out for them. If you want something out of them, just ask. Beating around the bush, doesn't get you anywhere except behind the bush. I have no idea where this entry was going. I just felt like writing.